Something Stupendous: Avoiding Muffin Mental Breakdown

Existential cupcakes. When is a cupcake not a cupcake? When it’s a muffin. Ever spent twenty minutes discussing the essence of cupcakes or the core quality of muffins? No? I thought not. I did because that’s just how I roll. Give me a cupcake and I will reward you with the most important ponderings of my soul before devouring the tiny cake with the ferocity of, well, people who have cupcakes.

Discussing existential cupcakes was stupendous. It was something outside of normal conversation, stupendous. It required out of the box thinking, stupendous. There was simply conversation, stupendous. But rather than detail all the stupendous to you as per the norm I intend to share the stupendousness with you. Now you can’t say you haven’t spent time pondering the essence of cupcakes and muffins.

Essentially what is the difference between a cupcake and a muffin? A cupcake is a ‘tiny cake’ but why is a muffin not a tiny cake? Can I not make cakes from muffin mix? I think so. Maybe it would come out a little loaf-like but then we’re just considering loaves versus cakes. That’s the same as cupcakes vs muffins.

muffins vs cupcakes

Cupcake or icing cover muffin?

Icing was proposed as the distinguisher. So if I take a muffin and dump icing on it does it magically become a cupcake? The opinion was split (I really need a tiebreaker in the comments) but consider the flipside: is a cupcake without icing just a muffin? This makes me think that icing is not the factor. A plain muffin with icing isn’t a cupcake, it’s just a muffin with icing.

Possible it’s the sweetness of cupcakes that makes them cupcakes. But what about CHOCOLATE MUFFINS, never forget the delectable sweetness of chocolate muffins. It could be that muffins can be sweet and savoury (yes? That’s a cooking term right?) and cupcakes are only sweet. That just creates more problems. How do you know if the sweet muffins are muffins or cupcakes. WHAT DISTINGUISHES THE CHOCOLATE MUFFIN FROM THE CHOCOLATE CUPCAKE. Chocolate, once again, put everything in perspective.

Density. My conclusion is density. D = m/v. Density is mass over volume. Cupcakes are light, fluffy and full of air while cupcakes are solid bunches of goodness (if you’re lucky) or bran (if you’re unlucky). You can’t make a bran cupcake (can you?), only a bran muffin. Ultimately what this means to me is that there must be a tipping point, a density where muffins become cupcakes and are suddenly allowed to have icing slathered all over them.

Science needs this. Someone find the Muffin/Cupcake density line. Do it for science. Do for the children. Do it so that we can call it the Muffcake value (i’m not so conceited as to suggest you name it after me. Muffcake is stupendous all on its own).

Existential cupcakes to Muffcake values = its been a productive day.

I need to know. What is the muffin/cupcake distinguisher? People are still insisting it’s icing. Help! I need ammo. Respond here. 

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Earbuds Above Ears

Guess who’s back in the cubicle? This kid. Can I say kid? I certainly feel like a kid but this a real-life, full time grown-up person job. What a terrifying thought. I’ll have to have an existential crisis about that later. Regardless I’m back in the good ol’ cubicle (which is itself stupendous) and I’m once again discovering the stupendousness that comes so easily in a new environment.

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Sneaky work picture is sneaky

Today it’s earbuds above ears. That’s right, not earbuds in my ears but earbuds above my ears. Welcome to the future! Cubicles mean the clickity-clack of multiple keyboards and the ting click of mouse buttons at all hours of the day. Stupendous, no problem. However, in this case it also means the rock-punk-cacophony of noise that’s apparently music coming from the desk just beyond the thin fabric wall. I can’t blame the man, either he’s blowing out his eardrums with the loudest headphone music ever or he, like me, doesn’t want music blasting directing into his ears all day and slowing blowing out his eardrums.

Cue earbuds above the ears. Rather than slide the music playing part into my ear, I perch it in the convenient groove between my upper ear cartilage and skin covered cranium. Sneaky work picture is sneaky. Shockingly you can keep the volume really low and still hear all your tunage and none of the cacophony of noise music.

Other stupendous features of earbuds above ears. No direct ear assault = healthy eardrum = no buzzing noise. If you get the cord caught on something there’s no evil moment of pain as your ears are nearly ripped from your head. Proper hair alignment keeps it hidden. Alternative hair alignment reveals earbuds above ears and is an EXCELLENT conversation starter. No-one else can hear it. I tested this one extensively throughout the cubicle. Finally, you can still hear your colleagues calling for you/walking up behind you, thereby avoiding being terrified by people who walk like ninjas and tap you on the shoulder.