Something Stupendous: Layer Poultry

Layer Poultry. This is the phrase that took me down a peg and made me grin at my own silliness. I went a hundred different places as to what this phrase could possibly be referring to, going as far to google it. Before circling back around and going ‘well duh silly, it’s exactly what it sounds like – layer poultry’.

This is stupendous. The places your mind goes before arriving on the logical conclusion. The genuine confusion that bubbled in my soul. It’s an exacting, specific descriptive term that is exactly what it sounds like but still promotes imagination. STUPENDOUS ON BOTH COUNTS. I love things that explicitly say what they are and I love things that promote imagination.

I didn’t know you could put them together.

Please enjoy the two minute journey that my brain just went on when confronted with the term ‘layer poultry’:

Layer poultry. Right. Is that a food processor? No idea. Well, what is layer poultry? Chickens. Definitely a chicken farmer. Why layers? Layer chickens. No way. This is some fancy kind of layered chicken dish? As in layers of different kinds of chicken meat – like a chicken turducken. Turducken for the middle class. Yes. I like it.

Except they’re farmers. If they weren’t farmers they wouldn’t be on this list. Farmers seem unlikely to be serving fancy layered chicken. Maybe it’s a farming practice, like it’s a way of keeping the chickens. Or growing the chickens – no, raising chickens, come on no-one says growing chickens.

MAYBE THEY STACK THE CHICKENS ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. Like an epic Tower of Chickens, Chicken jenga. Yes, they take all the chickens and stack them in a pile with all their little scary chicken feet standing on the feathered back of other chickens. Very Yertle the Turtle. It’s layers of chickens. Wait no, that’s a really dumb idea. Live chickens don’t seem horribly stackable. And what would be the purpose?

I can’t believe I just proposed a tower of chickens. Embarrassing. Sometimes I wonder about my mental state. Maybe layers of caged chickens. That’s at least stackable and believable in terms of saving space. You know, I could just Google it. Then I’d know.

Oh good. Guidelines on layer poultry. Exactly what I wanted to read today. Skim. Skim. Ah wait. No. It cannot be that simple. Embarrassment increases. Why didn’t I think of that. They’re chickens. OF COURSE that’s what it means. Eggs silly. Layer poultry. As opposed to meat poultry. Not layers of chickens. I can’t believe you spent 30 seconds believing that some farm was creating the leaning tower of poultry and a farmer spent his days stacking his chickens for no discernible purpose.

END

Personally, even aside from the stupendousness of layer poultry, I think that little brain trip would make layer poultry stupendous all on its own.

And in case you’re like me, layer poultry means raising chickens who will grow up to be layers. As in the chickens who lay eggs. Layer poultry = egg laying chickens.

I wasn’t the only one who missed that. Right? RIGHT?

Something Stupendous: Avoiding Muffin Mental Breakdown

Existential cupcakes. When is a cupcake not a cupcake? When it’s a muffin. Ever spent twenty minutes discussing the essence of cupcakes or the core quality of muffins? No? I thought not. I did because that’s just how I roll. Give me a cupcake and I will reward you with the most important ponderings of my soul before devouring the tiny cake with the ferocity of, well, people who have cupcakes.

Discussing existential cupcakes was stupendous. It was something outside of normal conversation, stupendous. It required out of the box thinking, stupendous. There was simply conversation, stupendous. But rather than detail all the stupendous to you as per the norm I intend to share the stupendousness with you. Now you can’t say you haven’t spent time pondering the essence of cupcakes and muffins.

Essentially what is the difference between a cupcake and a muffin? A cupcake is a ‘tiny cake’ but why is a muffin not a tiny cake? Can I not make cakes from muffin mix? I think so. Maybe it would come out a little loaf-like but then we’re just considering loaves versus cakes. That’s the same as cupcakes vs muffins.

muffins vs cupcakes

Cupcake or icing cover muffin?

Icing was proposed as the distinguisher. So if I take a muffin and dump icing on it does it magically become a cupcake? The opinion was split (I really need a tiebreaker in the comments) but consider the flipside: is a cupcake without icing just a muffin? This makes me think that icing is not the factor. A plain muffin with icing isn’t a cupcake, it’s just a muffin with icing.

Possible it’s the sweetness of cupcakes that makes them cupcakes. But what about CHOCOLATE MUFFINS, never forget the delectable sweetness of chocolate muffins. It could be that muffins can be sweet and savoury (yes? That’s a cooking term right?) and cupcakes are only sweet. That just creates more problems. How do you know if the sweet muffins are muffins or cupcakes. WHAT DISTINGUISHES THE CHOCOLATE MUFFIN FROM THE CHOCOLATE CUPCAKE. Chocolate, once again, put everything in perspective.

Density. My conclusion is density. D = m/v. Density is mass over volume. Cupcakes are light, fluffy and full of air while cupcakes are solid bunches of goodness (if you’re lucky) or bran (if you’re unlucky). You can’t make a bran cupcake (can you?), only a bran muffin. Ultimately what this means to me is that there must be a tipping point, a density where muffins become cupcakes and are suddenly allowed to have icing slathered all over them.

Science needs this. Someone find the Muffin/Cupcake density line. Do it for science. Do for the children. Do it so that we can call it the Muffcake value (i’m not so conceited as to suggest you name it after me. Muffcake is stupendous all on its own).

Existential cupcakes to Muffcake values = its been a productive day.

I need to know. What is the muffin/cupcake distinguisher? People are still insisting it’s icing. Help! I need ammo. Respond here. 

Bubble Wrap Just Got Better (I didn’t think it possible)

Bubble wrap is the pinnacle of all wrapping materials. This is not an opinion, it’s a fact. Let me remind you. So what happens when you combine envelopes and the epicness of mail  with bubble wrap? STUPENDOUSNESS! If you’re joining the blog for the first time I’m going to spoiler alert you, it’s pretty much always stupendous. Putting these three things together gives you the joy of the bubble envelope.

bubble wrapPerhaps you’re wondering what I even mean by ‘bubble envelope’; after all I don’t think that’s the technical term. Let’s find out. Whoosh over to the supply cupboard. Whoosh back to desk. Whoosh back to the cupboard because I forgot the name in the five second walk. Whoosh back. Type furiously.

Recycled Bubble Cushion Mailers. That name might be one of the most stupendous names I’ve ever seen given to an office supply. However in plain language we’re talking about the giant orange mail envelopes with padding on the inside to keep the contents pristine. But the key question remains, why are they stupendous?

The fast and furious answers: made of recycled material, keeps your valuable items from getting crushed, enables you to send mail, is fun to squish, comes with a  self-sealing sticker to avoid the tongue-on-gross-glue conundrum, comes in a shade of orange that you never see anywhere else.

I’m sorry did I mention the bubble wrap? BUBBLE WRAP. The delightfully air-filled popable stress reliever substance is stuffed inside of an envelope. That’s right; as if it wasn’t stupendous enough on its own they’ve decided to incorporate it into a mailing device.

The implications of that are enormous. When you receive mail in a Recycled Bubble Cushion Mailer you are first off receiving mail and the joy of whatever the mail contains, you are receiving an envelope that you can reuse and you are receiving bubble wrap. Sending someone bubble wrap is basically saying, “I care about you and your mental state, have a <b>great</b> day” but by sending it as part of an envelope you disguise it with practicality and professionalism.

But really you’re mailing someone bubble wrap.

They’re not envelopes they’re ‘Cushioned Mailers’ = bonus

The Bus Driver Salute

I’ve spent over a thousand hours on the city bus, that’s not a hyperbole. We’re talking two hours a day, five days a week, for four years. I’ve seen many a bus driver, male, female, old, young, fat, thin, every combination of person that exists and a couple that I’d believe were secretly aliens. But they all do the salute. When one bus passes another bus, the bus drivers salute each other. Always.

I call it a salute. Really, it’s mostly a wave. Sometimes it’s a ‘cool dude finger point’ or a raised hand or a full on ‘hey it’s my long lost friend wave’, but there’s always something. It’s stupendous. Every time I see it I break into a tiny awkward smile because I’m afraid to release the big one that will make all the other passengers thinking I’m a maniacal serial killer (buses have rules about smiling and eye contact).

But the Bus Driver Salute is stupendous because it creates a system of unity amidst severely isolated people. Sure bus drivers seem like their high on the social interaction scale but how many people actually speak to the bus driver? Maybe 20%. And of those how many are nothing more than a ‘hi’ or ‘thanks’. If they get a complete sentence it’s just ‘how do I get to this place?’.

bus driver happyThey don’t have the chitchat cubicle conversations of regular office jobs. They drive their routes and go home, that’s it. So they created the salute. There’s nothing more stupendous than say ‘hey, I acknowledge you, you’re doing a great job, have an awesome day.’

What’s even more stupendous is that this can’t have been an implemented rule. I strongly doubt it’s in the handbook. This was started by a couple of friendly bus drivers who just wanted to wave at everyone and brighten their day. And it grew into something great. Something all encompassing. This isn’t just city buses. It’s Go and Greyhound buses too.

They created their own community and made their own moment of joy because one guy wanted to create smiles with a wave. How is that not stupendous?

Erasers: Real Life’s Undo

What you wanted something big to start us off? Well let me tell you, we are totally starting with something big. Erasers. Such as the ones on the end of pencils. That jazz is thoroughly stupendous to the unquestionable degree. Why?

Because it’s the only undo button that exists in real life. You can draw some kind of symbol that will permanently remain on that scrap of paper and the only thing that will remove it is a pink bit of rubber. That’s it. Your only other option is physical destruction of the paper with bombs. Or eating it. Or a shredder.

The eraser is easier. No physical evidence. No whiteout smears. We love the digital world for its delete and backspace buttons. The eraser is the magic of delete with the practicality of existing in this dimension. Unless you’re a dimension jumper (call me) it’s all you’ve got.

But there’s more to erasers than their erasing power. Eraser shaving collections. I still don’t know why this was a thing but every elementary school kid has saved their eraser shavings in a tiny little box they made out of paper. Then you’d compare with your friends. We use to spend our time erasing nothing, we simply wanted the shavings. Stupendous.

Erasers bounce. That’s right bounce. Drop a pencil eraser first and it springs back into your hand. Drop and eraser and it suddenly becomes a slightly deranged bouncy ball. That’s even better than a normal bouncy ball because of the unpredictability factor. Bouncing is, quite simply, fun. High how can you get the bounce? How quickly? It’s one of those small personal, seemingly pointless triumphs that brings a smile to your face.

Do you really need more? Multiple shapes, multiple sizes, multiple colours. Variety is always good. There are even erasers that erase pen (the verdict is out on actual functionality). They make fabulous, non-lethal office/school projectiles.

But most importantly they’re a reminder that mistakes can be fixed, so don’t freak out. The eraser has your back. That certainly sounds stupendous.

Got anything to erase?

Stay Stupendous

Something Stupendous Starts Again

Boom bam baby we’re back. And by back I of course mean on a new platform where the whole wide world can see inside our tiny corner. Why the change? Because sharing is stupendous. That didn’t surprise any of the old timers. To the new school readers, you’ll get use to it. It’s always stupendous.

EeyoreBecause that’s what we do here. We talk about things that are stupendous. What does that mean? Stupendous – the ever helpful dictionary.com defines it as “causing amazement, marvellous.” It comes from the Latin word stupēre meaning ‘to be stunned or amazed’. When was the last time you were stunned by something?Defined it as awesome and truly meant it? It’s been a while for me.

The initial experiment contained 77 stupendous things and in that time we evolved. Every good thing grows. Nobody likes the stale, old hat side of life. We discovered that there was something stunning in everything.

The stupendous doesn’t come in a big shiny package. There was stupendousness in something as simple as sticky notes or as seemingly awful as paper jams. The stupendousness abounded. So that’s what we became, a place to find the stupendous. To see the silver lining. To find the awesome. To examine the cool.

Pick a phrase. I’m flexible.

I’ve decided to bring it back. There’s been almost a year and a half between the Summer of Stupendous and this post. And in that time I’ve decided that I need a little stupendous in my life. So because I need the smiles and because smiles are contagious…

happiness-can-be-this-simpleBOOM BAM BRING IT ON WE’RE BACK.

I’m going to find stupendous things that occur in the big ball I call life. Last time was daily but just no. Not this time. Sorry. But we’re still going to find the cool stuff that should stun us but we no longer take the time to look at.

I hope you’ll all join me, either by reading along or by looking for the stupendous in the ordinary of your own lives. I think we’ll have some fun and hopefully catch a few smiles.

Stay Stupendous